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Twin Peaks Top 3: Agent Cooper got the worst end of the Freaky Friday deal

Welcome to Twin Peaks Top 3, where I look at last night’s episode(s) of Showtime’s Twin Peaks revival and draw bad fan art of the top three most baffling moments that made an impression on me. If you’re looking for actual analysis and fan theories, we’ve got a big Question Club conversation for you to read instead, because you won’t find any of that here. Twin Peaks has always been a polarizing show, making even fans like myself question their loyalty at times. At the end of each Top 3, I’ll ask myself a question: “Do I want to keep watching?” Let’s find out.

This Top 3 will cover the show’s two-episode premiere, so spoilers ahead!

Baffling moment #1: when your evil doppelgänger squanders his potential

It’s been 25 years since Agent Dale Cooper’s been trapped in the Black Lodge, and we find that his doppelgänger, Bob, is now rampaging through South Dakota and doing his best impression of a post-apocalyptic Tommy Wiseau. We know this is Bob because his hair is still the same level of greasy and he’s getting nasty with some ladies in motels, which is exactly his aesthetic. What’s become of Cooper is pretty unsettling. It almost makes me wish he never came to Twin Peaks in the first place if it means he could have avoided the fate of having an evil entity with terrible taste take over his body. All I’m saying is, this was Bob’s big moment in the mortal world, and I wanted so much more for him!

Baffling moment #2: glass box and chill

Over in New York, we find a mysterious billionaire has set up a glass box in a fancy Manhattan apartment. It’s under constant surveillance by a bored, horny young man named Sam. Some interloper named Tracy is determined to get that D, and she keeps showing up with two lattes in hand, hoping Sam will invite her into the apartment so they can stare into nothingness together. He finally does, and they waste no time getting down, which is, of course, the exact moment a blurry ghost finally shows up in the glass box, and pecks their faces off. Based on what I’ve seen here and It Follows, we are in the age of movies and TV heavily preaching abstinence.

Baffling moment #3: Twin Peaks is the new Williamsburg

The first reappearance of James Hurley is back at the Bang Bang bar in Twin Peaks, where Shelly Johnson is having a girls’ night out with her fellow moms. Not even Twin Peaks is safe from gentrification, because the Chromatics are playing at the bar, and all the plaid-clad hipsters are loving it. Shelley spots James, still the same sweet, doe-eyed boy desperate for love, and declares he’s “always been cool.” I heavily disagree, but whatever makes you happy, Shelly! Now I’m praying and hoping they’ll hook up this season and make poor choices together.

Do I want to keep watching?

Yes. We still haven’t seen some of the legacy characters, like Audrey. Plus this season is supposed to have about 200 new and returning characters, so I’m still interested in seeing how kind (or cruel) time has been to them. The other murder mystery, featuring poor Ruth Davenport’s mix-and-match body, is also pretty compelling (though the CGI was jarringly bad)! And we still don’t know what that talking brain-tree in the Black Lodge was. I must keep watching, or I’ll live the rest of my life assuming it was a mango tree gone rotten.

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